Generally speaking I am blessed to receive emails on a daily basis from readers and listeners expressing dramatic life change. I love to hear from people who are refusing to settle and therefore deserving what they want more and more every day. I truly live for messages like those these days. It inspires me to know that Emily and I are making a difference. Sometimes, however, I receive other messages that inspire me in a completely different way.
A few days ago, I received just such an email. A woman was unsubcribing from this newsletter, citing that she was "just an average Plain Jane", and that she could never live up the ideals talked about here and in the book Deserve What You Want. What intrigued me the most was that she was not so much discouraged from the hard work of deserving what SHE wanted as irritated that I would encourage men to never "settle" for any less than who THEY deserved.
When it came right down to it, she felt that even her most valiant efforts to deserve what she wants were going to fall short. Ultimately, her feeling was that no man from the "highest echelon of men on Earth" was ever going to want her, no matter what. And having been around the block a few times, I know for a fact that plenty of men feel the same way about attracting a great woman. So then, this email got my attention because the challenge presented to me in it was a valid one. How dare I tell "average" people that they should expect to earn the right to "never settle"? Come on now, seriously?what kind of Pollyanna advice is THAT? How does an AVERAGE person deserve a SUPERIOR partner? Fortunately, I'm up to the challenge. And because I know you want practical answers from me instead of philosophical musings, here is the bulletized list you've come to expect: 1) Kill The Word "Average" ?And resort to Weapons Of Mass Destruction if that's what it takes to accomplish this in your life.
Anyone who considers him or herself "average" (let alone "below average") is acknowledging defeat before even attempting to deserve. Unfortunately, most of the six billion of us on this planet are shockingly willing to accept mediocrity. After all, it's effortless.
Therefore, we all run the risk of being charmed into living that lie. Yes, I said "lie". We allow ourselves to sleep our way through life, and in doing so we never even sniff reaching our potential. Knowing that the MAJORITY of people passively watch life from the sidelines, ACTIVELY doing something to promote excellence in your own reality pulls you by the collar out of the realm of the "average" BY DEFINITION.
Do you see how that works? Years ago a great speaker named Bruce Thielemann borrowed a phrase originally coined by pro surfer Phil Edwards to refer to the apathetic masses, referring to them as "legions of the unjazzed". His point was that most humans let the most powerful and meaningful aspects of what life has to offer slip quietly away having "pampered themselves into mediocrity". What powerful language to let nest in your soul. Unhitch yourself from the "unjazzed" crowd today, and begin deserving better immediately. 2) Your Presumptions Of Inadequacy May Point To Arrogance You look in the mirror and see "average".
Realize, right here and right now that your opinion has zero to do with mine or anyone else's on the subject. Just because you are not your own "type" does not mean you are free to arrogantly presume your world view upon anyone else, let alone EVERYONE else. 3) Don't Drink The Media's Purple Kool-Aid Cult leader Jim Jones infamously is associated with poisonous purple Kool-Aid.
Sometimes I can't help but think that the media is serving us a steady diet of a similar potion when it comes to having us believe what "not settling" means, exactly. I have dated women whom I thought were fantastically beautiful who were disgusted by their own appearance. They were not "supermodels", so they were therefore displeased. The irony here is that guys who share my personal preferences aren't attracted to "supermodels" anyway.
We're attracted to women who are more like many of these women who wish they were supermodels. That is to say, we are attracted at least until they express how displeased they are with themselves. NEVER discount the power of your own confidence, or lack thereof. Which drives the next point home? 4) Live Up To Your Own Design Specs I was going to go with "Do The Best With What You've Got" here, but that concept falls way short of the meaning behind the heading I chose. Why? Simply put, there is NOTHING more amazing than to meet someone who has clearly maximized who he or she is. So many people are not doing this.
Over the next few days, pay attention to the people around you. In your mind, give thought to who just isn't at their best. Meanwhile, open your eyes to who seems exceptional to you and how their own personal effort has likely affected that. One time I met a woman who habitually mesmerized nearly all men who met her. Sure, she was fashionable, clean and well-groomed.
But her sense of humor, confident presence and feminine charm set her apart as truly mind-blowing. Note that ALL OF THIS WAS UNDER HER FULL CONTROL. As I got to know her, she shared how she grew up in poverty and was told she was "ugly" throughout her childhood. Yet now she was a successful businesswoman who had her pick of the sharpest men around. Finally it occurred to me that if she had been anywhere close to as apathetic as the "legions of the unjazzed" I probably would never have even noticed her. Nor would have the majority of other men, I'm guessing.
She was not superlative by accident. "Accidentally", as it were, she would have been "average". But she wasn't. 5) Know Thyself Hey wait a minute, who are these people you are thinking would "never want you" anyway? Are these people you even truly WANT to deserve? The more you date effectively, the more you are going to realize how valid the concept of "perfect imperfection" is. I've written about this general concept elsewhere, of course, but the correlation to today's point is absolutely crucial. We as human beings are typically attracted to people we can relate to.
If you are living by the tenets presented above, I can quite nearly GUARANTEE you will be wildly attracted to the self-actualized opposite sex version of yourself. Why would you not be? Give this concept a test drive. If you have learned to deserve what you want, you will soon be graced with the knowledge of who it is you actually DO want. And wait until you figure out you DO deserve that person. That's the best news there is. Remember the "highest echelon on Earth" is subject to YOUR definition.
Have a clear understanding of that, and your efforts to deserve what you want will be focused and therefore highly effective. And those efforts will produce magical results. Guaranteed.
Scot McKay's dating strategies for those who refuse to settle for anything less than the ULTIMATE relationship are found at: http://www.relationship-advice.us/. Stop by right now and grab a FREE e-book ($20 value) when you sign up for the X & Y Communications Newsletter, which is always packed with unique and practical dating tips.